After two and a half days devoted to review the
English writing course I was planning to follow, I feel defeated. Let’s face it, I do not have as of now, the
English proficiency required to write.
I have liked very much the methodology and the
course, and I would like to keep on saving the videos and all of the material
for future reference, but I am beginning to feel pressed at home, that is, I
don’t have the time I thought to follow the course. I cannot just live my mother aside. Today, we were supposed to go to the bank,
and we couldn’t. It seems not so
relevant, but it is, because we need to change her bank account in order to
collect from her medical insurance, which we haven’t done for years.
I am my mother assistant that is a way of living
for me. Thirteen years ago, when the
doctor decided she could not live alone, I volunteer to move with her, because
I did not feel well either.
I have a bipolar disorder. I have studied and read as much as I can to
understand why I am ill. I have even tried
to prove myself that my ailment has something to do with my spirit, my
psyche. I could have had experienced
lower psychism.
The fact is, that even though I have read or tried
to read esotericism and find out whether I am right or wrong, and whether I have
a way out to such disorder, other than drugs, I still do not know anything for
sure.
In addition to my studies, I just started writing
my biography. I am 64, so I have a lot
of things to write about. The problem
here is that I write in Spanish, my other language.
This is just a parenthesis, and excuse to let
people know why I do not write English so well.
This journal is a good exercise, but I am out of
the subject. I should be writing about
the English Course, what have I learned so far.
I am reading the interests of ASU, and their ideals
are so appealing, that I feel sad not to be up to the standard required for
this course.
What I can do, is just keep on writing my
journal. It is a new activity for me,
but it is a good exercise, and with the time, I can attempt to become a better
writer. On the other hand, keep on
reading. Even though the subject I like
the most is spirituality, I am learning to concentrate better now.
I want a better world, a better society. I want to contribute with my ideas, do some
research work, and study. So, I will do
it, if not this time, sometime soon.
There is no much time left for me. Or maybe, there happens to be
sufficient.
